(Im)mobility

Today I am sitting in bed, unable to move due to a spasmed back. I am taking a lot of pain killers (doctor’s orders), using a heating pad, and waiting for my muscles to relax. I am lucky. I live in a country with medicare, skilled doctors, and access to medical resources.

In this state of immobility, I’ve been thinking about moving. I have obviously taken it for granted. I’ve never considered the possibility that I might not be able to bound out of bed in the morning. I also never imagined that I’d have to ask my brother to help me get my jeans on (for the record, we decided that wearing pj pants to the walk-in clinic was an acceptable choice).

I’ve also thought about all the moving I have done: I walk all over my city because I don’t have a car, I’ve canoed and portaged all over Northern Ontario primarily because it was fun and secondarily because it was my job, and I’ve moved from the west coast to the east coast a few times now. When I move I see new things, I have new ideas, and I learn about places, and I learn about myself.

2 years ago I wrote a personal essay about a day long road trip I took with a friend around the southern half of Vancouver Island. I had lived in Victoria before, but it was always an uneasy relationship. I never felt grounded or at ease. This time I was determined. I wanted to find something that I loved. But even after 12 hours on the road, and despite all the places we went and all the neat things we saw (an eagle, jelly fish, goats on the roof of the country market), Vancouver Island still didn’t feel like home.

However,  a few days after the road trip, I was walking on the University of Victoria Campus and found myself on a trail through a forest. I wrote, “like a shimmer I’m walking in Ontario. Ok. Not really. The trees here are too tall and ivy covered. But I know the colours and the smell of the leaves and the shifting patterns of dark and light.” And because I knew what it was to walk in Ontario, I knew what it was to walk in Victoria.

I moved my body down the path in the forest and I moved my memories of Ontario into the forefront of my mind to finally connect with an unfamiliar place.

It’s a good thing I can do intellectual acrobatics. With the way my body feels right now, I think the physical activities will be on hold for at least a while.